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Thanks AI
Listen to this satire.
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| Lily
Thompson was on the brink of greatness, or at least, she thought so. Her social media account, @LilyLuxLife, was only 23 likes away from the holy grail of teen internet culture: 10,000 followers. She had spent months curating the perfect feed: morning smoothie pics (she didn’t drink them), staged “candid” laughs with friends (they didn’t know they were in the shots), and inspirational quotes over sunsets (downloaded from stock image sites). Today was *the* day. She had planned a massive celebration at school, complete with cupcakes, a balloon arch, and a hashtag: #LilyHits10K. “This is it, Jake,” Lily said, adjusting her ring light in the school hallway. “When I hit 10K, I’ll be an official influencer. Brands will beg me to post about their skincare routines. Colleges will *have* to accept me. It’s basically a career now.” Jake, her best friend and reluctant cameraman, rolled his eyes. “A career in taking pictures of your lunch?” “Not just *lunch,* Jake,” Lily snapped, fixing her hair. “It’s a lifestyle. You wouldn’t get it, you don’t even have a profile pic on your account.” “Because I don’t care,” Jake said, crossing his arms. “And I’m pretty sure colleges don’t either.” The Wi-Fi Goes Dark The school bell rang, signaling the start of third period. Lily's celebration was scheduled for lunch, and she was giddy with anticipation. But then, something terrible happened. “Hey,” said a student nearby, staring at their phone. “Is your TikTok loading?” “No,” another replied, tapping furiously. “Neither is Instagram!” Panic spread like wildfire. Students poured into the hallways, their faces illuminated by glitching phone screens. “It’s the Wi-Fi!” someone screamed. “NOOOOOO!” Lily wailed, clutching her phone to her chest. She turned to Jake, wide-eyed. “What’s happening?! My followers! My likes!” “Relax,” Jake said, unimpressed. “It’s just the internet. It’ll come back.” “JUST THE INTERNET?!” Lily gasped as if he’d insulted her entire family. “Jake, do you understand what this means? If I don’t post during peak engagement hours, I’ll lose my momentum! I could drop to, like, 9,997 followers. I’d be irrelevant!” The students erupted into chaos. Some ran to the parking lot, hoping for a better signal. Others huddled in corners, refreshing their screens with growing desperation. In the midst of the turmoil, Mr. Thompson, the school’s tech-savvy teacher, emerged from the teacher’s lounge with a knowing smile. The Big Reveal “Everyone, calm down!” Mr. Thompson shouted over the chaos. “Calm down?” Lily shrieked. “The Wi-Fi is down! This is worse than the fire drill when we had to stand outside for twenty whole minutes!” Mr. Thompson clapped his hands. “Attention, everyone! I have an announcement. The Wi-Fi isn’t down. I turned it off.” A collective gasp filled the hallway. “You *what*?!” Lily cried, staring at him like he’d just admitted to drowning puppies. “I turned it off,” Mr. Thompson repeated, his grin widening. “I wanted to show you all something important: you’ve become too dependent on social media. You’ve forgotten how to live without it.” The students blinked at him, confused. Someone in the back whispered, “Who even *is* this guy?” Mr. Thompson cleared his throat. “I’m your technology teacher. I’ve been here for three years.” “Okay, boomer,” said a voice from the crowd. “I’m 29,” Mr. Thompson sighed. “Anyway, you’re all addicted. So, for the rest of the day, we’re going analog—no Wi-Fi, no social media. You’re welcome.” Life Without Likes The students reacted as if Mr. Thompson had declared prom illegal. “This is oppression!” Lily shouted, pacing in front of her balloon arch. “I demand to speak to the principal!” “The principal is on board with this,” Mr. Thompson said smugly. “I bet he doesn’t even know how hashtags work,” someone muttered. Left with no choice, the students begrudgingly put their phones away. At first, they wandered the hallways like lost puppies, unsure of how to fill the time. But then, something strange happened. Jake convinced a group of students to play an actual card game he had in his backpack. Tina, the school’s resident artist, started sketching caricatures of her classmates, which led to bursts of laughter. Even Lily, after an hour of sulking, joined a group playing hacky sack in the courtyard. By lunchtime, the school was buzzing—not with notifications, but with actual conversations. “Hey,” Jake said, tossing the hacky sack to Lily. “Bet you didn’t think you’d survive a day without your followers.” Lily caught the sack and laughed. “Honestly? I didn’t. But this is… kind of nice. Weird, but nice.” The Lesson By the end of the day, the students had almost forgotten about the Wi-Fi outage. They left school with goofy sketches, new inside jokes, and plans to hang out *in person* over the weekend. As Lily walked home with Jake, she glanced at her phone, which still displayed the dreaded “No Connection” symbol. “Do you think I’m ridiculous?” she asked. Jake smirked. “Do you want the honest answer or the nice one?” “Honest,” she said, rolling her eyes. “A little,” he said. “But at least you’re self-aware now.” Lily smiled. “Yeah, I guess. Maybe I don’t need 10,000 followers to matter. Maybe I just need, like, 9,000.” Jake groaned. Epilogue The next day, the Wi-Fi was back, and Lily’s account was flooded with messages from her followers: *Where are you?* *Did you quit?* *OMG, is this a social experiment?!* She posted a single photo—a group selfie of her classmates laughing together in the courtyard, with the caption: “Tried living without Wi-Fi for a day. Found out friends > followers. #IRLForever #TheWiFiWillBeMissed”. She hit *Post* and smiled, turning her phone off. For once, she didn’t need to check the likes. |
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