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| Inspector Dewlyttle
was not your average cop. His police badge? It was tucked between pages of dog-eared sci-fi novels. His squad car? Decked out with plush aliens dangling from the rearview mirror. And his ringtone? A beeping sound straight out of a space movie. Dewlyttle’s dream was simple: to be the first Earthling to solve intergalactic mysteries. One fateful night, while re-reading *The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Procrastination*, his phone rang. Not a call but a... language update? “Congratulations! You have unlocked Alienese, the universal language of extraterrestrials!” Dewlyttle squinted at his phone. “Oh great, now my phone’s smarter than I am,” he grumbled. The next day, he stumbled upon a glowing green blob in his living room. “Greetings, human!” it gurgled, dripping something that looked suspiciously like grape jelly. This was Blorpo, a chatty alien who had just moved in, rent-free, of course. “I’m here to study Earth’s culture! Specifically... couch surfing.” Dewlyttle was unfazed. After all, his life was basically a B-movie at this point. But things took a twist when Blorpo hiccupped and blurted, “By the way, aliens are losing their ears. Big intergalactic crisis. We need you to fix it.” “You’re telling me the galaxy is having a... hear-loss epidemic?” Dewlyttle snorted. Blorpo nodded, sadly dribbling more jelly. “Without ears, we can’t hear our own thoughts. We just... do stuff. Weird stuff.” With a whoosh, Dewlyttle found himself teleported to Spongopia, a galaxy so squishy, it made his grandmother’s sofa look like solid ground. Dewlyttle landed smack in front of Spongopia’s ruling council, The Bouncing Brains. They had one problem: alien ears were literally disappearing because of a new diet fad, Air Fryed Soundbites. “Ears don’t stand a chance,” sighed Brain Leader Bob, whose own ears were starting to look like chewed-up marshmallows. Dewlyttle set off with Blorpo and a new partner, Spritz, an over-caffeinated space hamster who insisted on narrating their every move like a movie trailer voice-over. “In a world... where ears are vanishing...” Spritz muttered dramatically, jumping up and down. After a lot of mishaps involving runaway hoverboards and singing jellybeans, Dewlyttle had an epiphany. “Aliens don’t need ears to hear. They need ears to listen!” He whipped out his phone and set it to “Ultra-Galactic Conference Call” mode. The entire population of Spongopia tuned in as Dewlyttle delivered an over-the-top speech about listening with their hearts, not their ears. It was a total flop. No one understood a word. Ironically, though, Dewlyttle’s heartfelt plea triggered the cure: all aliens’ ears popped back instantly, thanks to Blorpo’s tearful applause. “Turns out, we just needed a round of applause, alien style!” he sniffed, proudly oozing more jelly. Inspector Dewlyttle was sent back to Earth with a medal made of gummy stars and the knowledge that sometimes, the biggest mysteries were solved by listening. But, as Spritz reminded everyone, “IN A WORLD… where listening saves the galaxy… one man stood up… with his phone.” Dewlyttle smiled, back on his couch, reading the newest interstellar whodunit. The phone buzzed again. “Update complete. New language installed: Sarcastic Alienese.” Dewlyttle sighed. “Great. Just what I needed.” The galaxy? Safe. Dewlyttle? Forever confused. And Blorpo? Still living rent-free, still dripping, and now, always listening. |
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