1.   Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
       -- Grantland Rice

2.   Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.  Just how childlike golf players become  is proven by their frequent                inability to count past five.-- John Updike

3.   It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. -- Robert Lynd

4.   If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
      -- Horace G. Hutchinson

5.   They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.  Golf is more complicated than that. -- Gardner Dickinson

6.   If a lot of people gri pped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
       -- Sam Snead

7.   Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. -- William Wordsworth

8.   If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt  -- Dean Martin

9.   If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to
     waste energy going back to pick it up. -- Tommy Bolt

10.   Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
        -- Bishop Sheen

11.   I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. -- Arnold Palmer

12.   My handicap?  Woods and irons. -- Chris Codiroli

13.   The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. -- Pete Dye

14.   I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! -- Buddy Hackett

15.   The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. -- Billy Graham

16.   If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -- Jack Lemmon

17.    It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -- Mark Twain

18.    Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty. -- Harry Vardon

19.   Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. -- Jimmy DeMaret

20.   May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. -- Ben Hogan

21.    If I hit it right, it's a slice.  If I hit it left, it's a hook.  If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- Anon

22.   The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. -- George Deukmejian

23.   Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino

24.   Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken. -- Woody Woodbury

Finally:
25.   The No.#1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.