"An expert in special education with familiarity in computer literacy who has a sound basis of learning theory, knowledge of multicultural issues, comfortable in removing sexism from the curriculum and guidance skills to deal with the diverse and changing needs of society such as the single-parent family and child abuse and who can teach by precept and example the morals and values acceptable to the entire community.

Candidates must be able to individualize the learning process for 30 or more students. identify learning problems, and have good interpersonal skills. As well, the successful candidate must be able to work well under wage controls, with limited resources, and be impervious to continual berating by the taxpayer and the media and the government.

Additional consideration will be given to a teacher who can teach English as a second language, has skills in music, art, extracurricular activities such as sports, chess, yearbook. drama, and macrame and who  can supervise over 300 children on a five acre playground after a 20 minute lunch break.

Individuals must be in good physical and mental health, able to work all day, plan lessons, mark books and tests at night and be willing to improve skills through after-school professional growth courses.

Above all else, the person must display an inordinate amount of love and caring for children, patience and understanding of each child and a high level of gratitude to the ministry of education, school trustees. and administrators.

Equal opportunity, affirmative action employer, French speaking, Chinese writing, multiple handicapped, ambidextrous, homosexual, racially mixed males and females with native ancestry and/or heritage ethnic backgrounds who are thoroughly familiar with metrication and sex education will be given first choice. Other desirable qualifications include value-free value orientations and the ability to present all sides of all issues simultaneously.

Applicants should be familiar with  computer programmes and  higher level bilingual computer languages.

Approximately 250,000 positions are available across Canada, millions worldwide. All positions are subject to budget decisions and may or may not continue from month to month. Since employers are always looking for better and better teachers and since the media can only uncover bad ones, these employment opportunities will remain open forever.

Please send complete resume. color photograph. religious, sexual and entertainment orientations along with salary requirements to your nearest school board."

Isn't progress wonderful...:-)