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The Day After Halloween
A Letter to Parents: Post-Halloween Edition  Dear Parents,
We get it. November 1st is like the marathon nobody signed up for. Dragging your sugar-shocked, sleep-deprived kid out of bed the morning after Halloween? Practically heroic. Because we all know that attempting to wrangle a grumpy, candy-hungover pterodactyl at 7 a.m. is no one’s idea of fun. (Especially when they're still rocking the remnants of last night's zombie makeup like it’s face paint...or war paint.) But, for the love of all things sacred, please *do not* attempt to bribe your groggy little goblins with leftover Snickers bars and send them off with a handful of Pixy Stix and a faint hope. Trust us, the teachers would much rather you perform a precision "rolling drop-off" out front, spitting a kid with bedhead and a questionable mood out of the minivan like they’re boarding a lifeboat, than sending in a sugar-fueled, hyperactive werewolf fresh off a 24-hour candy binge. Put down the Blow Pop. November 1st, folks, is all about embracing reality. Send them to school however you find them, in pajamas, yesterday’s costume, or whatever their sleepy little hands managed to pull on. A buttered piece of toast would be appreciated, but we’re not fussy. Let them show up cranky and droopy-eyed, we’ll be here, ready to detox the entire crew from red dye #40 and mysterious artificial “flavors” and return them to you just a bit less feral. We ride at dawn, armed with apples and a lot of patience. Sincerely, Your (possibly under-caffeinated) Teachers |
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