Twas The Night Before School Starts

Twas the night before school starts
And all through the place,
Not a smile was seen
On any kids face

Our bags were all stuffed
With our notebooks brand new
And rules and pencils,
With erasers to chew

Mournfully we
All crawled into bed
Knowing too well,
The “good life” was dead.

Then Mom came in whistling
And kissed us goodnight.
With a bright cheery voice
That didn’t seem right.

The night dragged on slowly
I just couldn’t sleep
For fears that my math teacher
Would be a real creep.

Or maybe a bully
Would give me a shove,
Or even more evil things
Than I could think of.

When in from the next room
There arose such a clatter
My Mom yelled, I’M FREE
I’m free ‘til next summer!

This must be a plot
By conspiring Moms
Who just want a break
To experience “calm”

Oh, must I go through it?!
How can I go on?
I want to escape
Run off to Saigon!

Nine months is too long
To suffer through school
The classes so rough
And teachers who are cruel

Come Donald! Come Conor!
Come Henry VanStation
Come up to the board
Do your multiplication.

And Julie stop talking
And Jimmy wake up!
And Mary, right now,
Don’t do your make-up

Teachers are ever hounding
They just never quit.
You do something wrong,
They get into a fit.

And so every year,
About this time,
I lie in bed sleepless
And just moan and whine.

Until morning comes,
And I hear my Mom say,
“Good luck with your school!
And have a nice day!”

(Author unknown)

Sent by Brandi

M&M’s RX Prescription For Teachers

To temporarily calm your craving for chocolate, eat the BROWN one.

At first sign of "Meeting Overload" eat the RED one.

The ORANGE one minimizes "Mental Block" during lesson planning.

The GREEN one calms your frustrations while arranging classroom furniture.

If you feel a headache coming on while talking to parents, eat the YELLOW one.

The BLUE one reduces Bulletin Board fatigue.

Take as needed. If all symptoms occur at the same time, eat the whole bag.

Warning: May cause weight gain

Sent by Meredith


Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf in The Coffee Maker for 3 Weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With the Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. as Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting around Your Work Area and Play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because you're not in the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You by Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling "Run for Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due to the Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Sent by Linda