POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs
$5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,
this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying
wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production
of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the
next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining,constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually
enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free
hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Sent by my son
A young blonde woman was driving through
the Florida Everglades while
on vacation.
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors
were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared:
"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a
pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile: "Well little lady, why don't you
go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same
young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and
hauls it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its
back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP! THIS
ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
Sent By Clotilde
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