Table Talk

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many

kinds of boobies are there? "

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of
breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and
firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but
hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions !"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how
many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes
through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible
but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree !"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

Sent by Linda

Feline

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.

She asked if it was dead or alive.

"Dead," she was informed.

"How do you know?", she asked.

"Because I pissed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he didn't move."

Sent by Kate